I know that most of you probably know about Mikal. He's has his fair share of mentions on this blog + he's even wrote for it. If for some reason you're unaware, Mikal was my boyfriend. Mikal and I decided to call it quits a while ago. I haven't really said anything about it until now for a few reasons.
Mikal and I started having a lot of problems around the time I went to Project Walk and being apart was just honestly killing us. Long distance is hard and it takes a lot of work, trust and patience to make it really work. I feel like we were doing great but the three months we were apart just became too much so when I came to Indiana after California, we were already ticked off at each other. I spent two weeks with Mikal and the whole time we fought. Our fights were always about stupid things and I think we both just told each other we could make it work. During the first two weeks I was at Mikals, I had been asking for him to pay a little more attention to me. We spent a lot of time with other people around and I mean, we hadn't seen each other in three months, I wanted his attention. The times we were together and alone, we were fighting. I loved being around his friends because I don't really have anyone here in Tennessee but I wanted time alone with him.
I had started messaging a guy I used to talk to and I told Mikal about him. Mikal obviously wasn't thrilled about it. I had explained to Mikal how it made me feel happy because this guy (we will call him Luke) was interested in me, he was excited to talk to me and I was excited to have someone to talk to. Luke and I were just friends but then I started feeling like maybe I liked Luke and maybe I wanted to be with Luke. Obviously this caused a few more problems with Mikal and I, so I stopped talking to Luke. Mikal basically told me I had to stop talking to Luke or we would be over.
After all this happened, I just really started to feel like maybe Mikal may not be the ONE for me. The whole purpose of dating, is to marry. If I was feeling like maybe Mikal MAY NOT be the one for me, why would I still date him? It really began to weigh on my a lot, Mikal and I didn't really see eye to eye on things I thought were important. Mikal hadn't really held a job since we started dating and I was ready to move out on my own and I wanted him to go with me. If he couldn't hold a job, how would he help pay for a house? What if we got married or had children, how would we afford it? I've always been a person who worries about those things and Mikal said he just wanted to live in the moment. He didn't really want to go college and better himself. I look back now and think maybe I am too hard on people and maybe I was too hard on him.
We went back and forth a lot and that's why I haven't said much about it. I wasn't (and I'm still not 100%) sure what was happening. I don't want to be one of the over dramatic girls who posts about it all the internet and five minutes later say "Just Kidding. We are together." I honestly feel dramatic posting about it here but I sort of needed a way to vent about it and writing is that vent for me. Yeah, I could have wrote in my journal or something but I also knew people would be asking about him and I didn't want to type this out each time. I don't think we will be done for good, I hope there's still a future for us but I also can't see the future.
I've been a shitty blogger recently and this may be part of it. I've just been struggling a lot and I know it's shows through this. I want to write more because I honestly feel like most of you are the people who help get me through rough patches. All the comments, emails and tweets where you were share your own personal stories really help me and give me a new view on things. I'm thankful for that and I'm thankful for all of you.